Flying home ... for holiday.

I think there are better ways of starting a blog then discussing the longing but it's with me all the time. I have been always using my whole energy, financial capacity and free time (including annual leave allowance at work) to spend holiday at home. I can remember well the only times I spent holiday somewhere else, there was also a period when I was flying back and forth every 3 months. All this because I'm missing my family back in Poland. I won't lie I'm exhausted by flying especially that for 3 years I'm doing it on my own with the toddler most times. Someone could say "Stop doing it if it's too much" but I guarantee that the owner of this remark most likely is not a migrant. I love my family and I constantly worry about my elderly grandad, what terrifies me the most is that I may not be present at home when in the future I'll have to say the final goodbye. Even thinking about it like happened with my grandma bring back the traumatic feelings. So I will be going back and forth as long as I can and I will be giving up those "real" holiday. Do I take something away from my husband? Well, yes I do and sometimes I do feel sad about it. Is it selfish? Well, yes it is and do please believe me I'm one of the least selfish people I have ever knew (I think it's not such a good thing though) but with this I simply can't be other way. Conclusion: Sometimes we do things that aren't easy and we not always can spare the loved ones from forcing certain choices upon them.