My motherhood

I won't be lying to you dear readers ... I'm a shit mother. Yes I love my son more than life itself and yes I'm a first time mum. Well the second characteristic can't be really treated as an excuse in my case and I don't think it should be the one. I do what I can but I seem not to have this mystic patience other mothers do have. I stress constantly over everything and I don't think that going back to work when one has a toddler is a bad thing. My son is a fussy (extremely) eater so his diet is not great, has terrible tantrums as he is extremely strong willed and stubborn, still in pull ups at 3 (I'm trying to change it) and is recently having big issues with digestion probably due to poor diet. Every day I'm painfully aware of my failure as a mother. Have I accepted it? Well, no I can't but on the other hand what else can I do? So my dear female readers (in some situations male too) you are for 100% a better mother or parent that I am.

Coming back ...

Few weeks ago I wrote a piece on flying back home so now is a time to say a bit about coming back to UK. Sorry for the lack of being so negative again but ... I truly hate coming back here. I'm getting up in the morning and there is a bloody silence everywhere. Of course I can hear my son saying 'Wake up, wake up' or 'Mummyyyy' but that's all. If I'm at home and he is at preschool outside my work hours then I could sit whole day and not receiving even one phone call or text message asking 'How are you'. I have no friends or I should say no real friends around me and most of the time I feel like no one gives a crap about me. My husband thinks that texting or calling him while he's at work (and he is from dawn to dusk) is not appropriate because he trusts me with our son, he's busy at work. So I end up talking to myself. I have no help with my son and can't share the constant stress of motherhood with anyone. Another reason for my dislike of coming back is that there is always something that goes wrong soon after I'm back. Always new shit gets poured on my head adding to already stressful situation. There are also other reasons but the above are the most painful of all.